Olympic logo

At least 34 people are known to have died, with that number set to rise, after the disastrous launch of the new Olympic logo. Although the online animated version of the logo was removed after causing epileptic seizures in a number of viewers, it was only as the day went on that it became clear that the static version on posters also posed health problems for vulnerable members of the public, some of whom have burst into a fit of apoplexy.

One woman, whose stomach remains were found scattered over Gloucester and parts of Hereford, was known to have exploded in rage at breakfast time, whilst a pub full of victims detonated in Northampton after watching the logo on the news and getting really annoyed.

'This has got to be stopped' said one publican. 'People are bursting willy-nilly, it's like Alien, with sloppy design being the cause of the rupture rather than an interplanetary parasite'.

'I fought in the Falklands' said another, 'and once saw a pile of Argentinian legs which I then bayoneted just to be on the safe-side. But nothing has prepared me for the full horror of this contemporary design. The people who came up with it should be taken outside and shot'.

[Yep, Armando Iannucci again].